Vow to make everyone laugh on the big day—and the days leading up to it—with these hilarious wedding jokes
60 Wedding Jokes and Puns That Take the Cake
Updated on Apr. 30, 2025
Funny wedding jokes
- What is the best place to research wedding DJs?
Wiki-wiki-wikipedia.
- Why did the two cannonballs have a shotgun wedding?
They were already expecting BBs.
- Why did the bride put on an extra pair of socks?
Because she didn’t want to get cold feet.
- Which side of a wedding cake has the most frosting?
The outside.
- Why did Einstein invite time to his wedding?
Because time was relative.
- What did the groom say when he spent $500 to rent a limousine, then realized he had to hire the driver separately?
“I spent all that money, and I have nothing to chauffeur it.”
- What is a ghost’s favorite part of a wedding?
The boo-quet toss.
- Did you hear about the two cellphones that got married?
The reception was excellent.
- Did you hear the one about the soup at the wedding?
It was broth-taking!
- What’s the worst kind of cake to have at your wedding?
The kind that fell on the floor.
- How does a wedding planner stay in shape?
By running down the aisle.
- What kind of music do bunnies dance to at their weddings?
Hip-hop.
- What did the groom say when his wedding was burglarized?
“I’ve been robbed before, but this one took the cake.”
- Why did the vegetarian couple hire a DJ for their wedding?
So he could turnip the beets.
- What did the mathematician say at her wedding?
“The odds of this working are better as a pair.”
- Why was the marshmallow wedding so perfect?
Because the couple was toasted just right.
Marriage jokes
- How did the author know he’d found his perfect match?
She was Mrs. Write.
- Why did the bee get married?
Because he found his honey.
- Did you hear about the bald man who married his comb?
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
- Why did the jumper cables get married?
They had a major spark.
- What do you call two spiders who just got married?
Newlywebs.
- What’s the advantage of marrying a tennis player?
Love means everything to them.
- What did they say about the nuclear technicians who got married?
The bride was radiant, and the groom was glowing.
- Why do painters fall for their husbands?
Because they love them with all of their art.
- What did the acrobat say to his new wife?
“I’m head over heels in love with you.”
- Did you hear about the florists who got married?
It was an arranged marriage.
Best wedding jokes
- What’s it called when you get the weird feeling you heard the same song earlier in the reception?
DJ-vu.
- Where do bunnies get ready for their weddings?
At the hare-dresser.
- Did you hear about the two spiders who just got married?
I hear they met on the web.
- Why can’t you tell a joke at a vampire wedding?
The reception always sucks.
- Why don’t birds write their wedding vows ahead of time?
They like to wing it.
- What do you call a melon that’s not allowed to get married?
Can’t elope.
- What do you call a wedding with a missing groom?
A wife-threatening situation.
- Why did the scarecrow get married in a field?
He was outstanding in it.
- How do astronomers get married?
They planet.
- How do you know when a wedding is particularly emotional?
Even the cake is in tiers.
- What did the accountants say to each other at the altar?
“Till debt do us part!”
- What looks like half a wedding cake?
The other half.
Wedding one-liners
- A wise man once said, “I don’t know. Ask my wife.”
- Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life. Take advantage of that as much as you can.
- If you enjoy searching for someone else’s lost stuff, try marriage!
- The happiest moment of my wedding was realizing that planning my wedding was over.
- You’ll never guess what I got you from your registry of preselected gifts!
- We swore to share everything in marriage—except the last piece of cake. That’s a nonnegotiable.
- Marriage is all about finding that one person you want to steal the covers from for the rest of your life.
- They renewed each other for another season.
- If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it how your wife told you to.
- I got a wedding invitation that said “black tie only,” but when I got there, everyone else had on tuxedos.
- Getting married is great because on one hand, you get to wear a ring, but on the other hand, you don’t.
Best wedding puns
- We’re knot kidding—we’re getting married!
- I talk about my wedding cake a lot. Icing about it too.
- I cannoli be happy when I’m with you because you make marriage sweet.
- The couple were both pianists, so they had a very well-orchestrated marriage.
- Now that they are married, they are both footloose and fiancé-free.
- For butter or worse, a toast to the newlyweds!
- I’d like to propose a toast … but I forgot to bring bread.
- The wedding bouquet was missing a few flowers. It was lack-a-daisy-cal.
- He’s my rock, and I’m his diamond.
- Eat, drink and be married!
Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. For this piece on wedding jokes, Laura Beck tapped her 15-plus years of experience as a professional humor writer for TV shows and magazines. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
