These funny mom quotes will have you smiling even through the sleep deprivation
29 Funny Mom Quotes That Will Have You Cry-Laughing
Updated on Apr. 16, 2025
It’s like he doesn’t even hear them crying
Why is “sleep like a baby” such a popular saying? Babies truly are the worst sleepers—they flail, snore and wake up every few hours. Moms aren’t just funny, they’re also very strong.
But do you have to tell your neighbors six times?
Kids know exactly how far they’ve pushed you over the edge from your tone of voice. The only question now is whether you’re the type who yells or the type who gets scarily quiet.
Who needs an alarm clock when you have a 4-year-old?
Gone are the days when you could sleep in on the weekend, read in bed and then have a leisurely brunch. With kids, 9 a.m. is halfway through the day.
I simply adore doing dishes
There’s nothing like getting to the end of the day and having to put 27 glasses in the dishwasher, even though there are only four people in your family.
Take your “me time” however you can get it
Are you laughing on the floor from these funny mom quotes yet? Luxury used to mean a fluffy bathrobe and an hour-long massage. These days it means getting a moment to yourself and eating peanut butter spread straight out of the jar with your finger—yet this makes you happier than any spa day ever did.
Don’t worry, you’ll be able to wear high heels again… eventually
Pre-children, stilettos were sexy footwear. Now those shoes are weapons or costumes, not to mention a hazard on wood floors.
Sesame Street is legit hilarious
Small kids love nothing more than a broom, a vacuum or a duster. Now, if only they could actually use them to clean and not make more messes. Of course, you can always try it together—doing chores is one of the best ways to bond with your kids.
Warning: sharp learning curve ahead
All those hilarious pictures of babies holding beer bottles? That’s the third kid.
Sale on Aisle Adorable
Let’s be honest: Shopping for tiny outfits or picking out cute diapers is way more fun than comparing prices on bagels—even if you don’t have kids.
Russian roulette, mom style
Being a mom means being on the lookout for poop in strange places. It’s always a great day when a suspicious brown smudge turns out to be candy!
Barf is the new black
Plus, it coordinates with the PB&J stain on your pants.
Mom? Mom, mom, MOM, mommy
Remember the “mine” seagulls on Finding Nemo? Replace “mine” with “mom” and you’ll get a pretty good feel for what the rest of your life will be like.
Toddlers can be terrorists
It’s a triple whammy—not only do you have to endure being pelted with various food items on the regular, but you also have to clean up the mess, then comfort your kid when they realize they no longer have any food to eat, regardless of the fact that they did this to themselves.
The classic mom diet
Don’t worry, you can always eat everything that’s left on all their plates as you clean up.
I do not! *snort*
Best case scenario: People will think your child is posh and is a zoology prodigy—at least until she tells them haughtily that “pigs do not like to jump in muddy puddles.”
Reality is getting puke in your bra because your kid needs to be hugged while they’re sick
You start out with no kids and many theories on correct parenting. Then you have kids and end up with no theories on parenting.
They do say being a mom increases your capacity for love
Think about it: It’s an automatic vacuum that helps out (without you ever having to ask), does its job thoroughly, then puts itself in bed. Can you say the same about anyone (or thing) else in your house?
Sorry, done adulting for the day
Children long to be adults, while adults long to be children again. It’s the (vicious) circle of life.
Sunday breakfast means toast and eggs… on the floor
Everywhere is quiet and peaceful on Sunday mornings—except playgrounds. Starting at dawn they’re filled with screaming kids and zombie parents. If you’re lucky, someone will share their goldfish crackers since you (of course) forgot to pack snacks.
Your mom would do something, by golly!
This one is funny until your kid starts yelling “You’re not my mom! I don’t have to go with you!” and someone calls Child Protective Services.
The #1 thing parents hear most often is …
And the worst part about it is that it’s 100 percent true.
This is also why the remote control never works
You’d never know it before you were a parent but batteries are worth their weight in gold. Literally everything kids need requires three AA batteries and a screwdriver.
Why aren’t drive-thru parks a thing?
Getting kids in and out of cars, especially if you’re wrangling more than one, is like doing advanced math. With the pen in the wrong hand. And no paper. (Because someone squirted a juice box all over the paper.)
It’s 9 a.m.—have you stepped on a Lego yet?
Cleaning a house with kids in it is like shoveling in a blizzard.
It used to have a different meaning, but we can’t remember what …
There’s no doubt about it, parenting makes the possibility of a midnight booty call a whole lot less exciting.
Last call happens at 4 p.m.
You know your party days are truly over when you can find six sippy cups in under a minute, but don’t even remember what a shot glass looks like.
Good night, sleep tight… because I tied you to your bed
Forget musical chairs; kids’ real favorite game is playing musical beds, all night long. It helps to be a sound sleeper when you’re a parent. Does this sound counterintuitive?
Snips and snails and … YouTube fails?
To be fair, some boys can be super dramatic and some girls can be daredevils, but there’s a reason the stereotype exists. This is why every mom of boys tenses up when she hears “Hey mom, watch this!”—boys are almost never showing you the flowers they craft while sitting quietly at the table.
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Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
