Goodbye, 2024. Hello, 2025! Kick off the year with a laugh (or two) by telling these hilarious New Year's jokes.
60 New Year’s Jokes That Will Have You Laughing into 2025
Updated on Dec. 16, 2024
New Year’s isn’t just for resolutions or throwing a party (complete with fun games) with your favorite people—it’s also the perfect moment to bring on the laughs! And what better way to kick off 2025 than with a little humor? That’s right, New Year’s jokes are here to steal the show.
We’ve rounded up the funniest New Year’s jokes to make your celebrations extra joyful. Think clever one-liners, groan-worthy puns and downright hilarious punchlines. If you think funny New Year’s quotes are worthy of a few giggles, then these jokes will surely tickle your funny bone too!
So grab your favorite people—family, friends, coworkers and even the kids—and get ready to share these New Year’s jokes that will have everyone laughing their way into the new year!
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Hilarious New Year’s jokes
- What do New Year’s Day parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is awake to see either of them.
- What is a New Year’s resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
- What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
- What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social security.
- What was Dr. Frankenstein’s New Year’s resolution?
To make new friends.
- What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne“?
A liar.
- What’s the worst part of jogging on New Year’s Eve?
The ice falling out of your drink!
- What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
- Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast.
- Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year’s Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
- What should people never eat on New Year’s Eve?
Fire crackers.
- What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?
1080p.
- Where can you go to practice math on New Year’s Eve?
Times Square.
- Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the New Year in a cool way.
- What do you tell someone you didn’t see on New Year’s Eve?
I haven’t seen you for a year!
- What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve?
He got 12 months!
- What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day?
The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew.
- What did Adam say to Eve on Dec. 31?
It’s New Year’s, Eve.
- Why was the telephone late for work on Jan. 1?
It was busy ringing in the new year!
- What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve?
“You’re so bubbly!”
- Why did the man stand on one leg at midnight on New Year’s?
He wanted to start the year on the right foot.
- What did the woman say when she was offered a raisin on New Year’s Eve?
“No thanks. I already have a date.”
- Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve?
Because it’s too far to walk.
Punny New Year’s jokes
- What do snowmen like to do on New Year’s Eve?
Chill out.
- What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
Moo Year’s Eve.
- Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve?
To ring in the New Year.
- Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve?
Waiting for the punchline.
- What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
- What did the ghost say on Jan. 1?
Happy Boo Year!
- Why was the Hershey bar bummed on New Year’s Eve?
It got stuck waiting for a midnight Kiss.
- What do kangaroos say to each other at midnight on Jan. 1?
“Hoppy New Year!”
- Why is New Year’s a slice of bread’s least favorite holiday?
It has to make a toast.
- What did George Washington do in the days leading up to New Year’s?
He made a New Year’s revolution.
- What is corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ears Day!
- What does a caterpillar do on Jan. 1?
Turns over a new leaf.
- What was the opening line of the spice rack’s New Year’s toast?
“Cheers to the good thymes!”
New Year’s knock-knock jokes
- Knock, Knock.
Who’s there?
Radio.
Radio who?
Radio not, it’s a new year.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Abby.
Abby who?
Abby New Year!
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Scold.
Scold who?
Scold enough out here to go ice skating on New Year’s.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Hannah.
Hannah who?
Hannah Happy New Year!
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Happy New Year! It’s me, Snow.
Snow who?
Snowbody.
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Joe King.
Joe King who?
Joking like this on New Year’s Eve?
- Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in. It’s freezing on New Year’s!
- Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Razor.
Razor who?
Razor glass and toast to a happy new year.
New Year’s one-liners
- This year, I resolve to be less awesome … since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
- Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve: Dec. 31.
- My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.”
- My New Year’s resolution was to read more, so I turned on the subtitles on my TV.
- I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
- I see no need to make more New Year’s resolutions when the ones already on the books aren’t being enforced.
- I made a New Year’s resolution to drink more water, but I’ve only gotten as far as “drink more.”
- My dad gave up smoking cold turkey for New Year’s. He’s doing better now but … he’s still coughing up feathers.
- I don’t know why people flock to Times Square on New Year’s Eve. They always drop the ball.
- This New Year’s, I’ve resolved to lead a better life. Now all I have to do is find someone who will trade lives with me.
- This New Year’s, I’m going to make a resolution I can keep: no dieting all year long.
- An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
- My grandparents had resolutions like donating more time and money to charities. I’ve decided to make my own coffee once a week.
- Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.
- My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolution.
- New Year’s resolutions are just a to-do list for the first week of January.
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Why trust us
Reader’s Digest has been telling jokes for more than 100 years, curated and reviewed over the last 20 years by Senior Features Editor Andy Simmons, a humor editor formerly of National Lampoon and the author of Now That’s Funny. We’ve earned prestigious ASME awards for our humor—including comical quips, pranks, puns, cartoons, one-liners, knock-knock jokes, riddles, memes, tweets and stories in laugh-out-loud magazine columns such as “Life in These United States,” “All in a Day’s Work,” “Laughter, the Best Medicine” and “Humor in Uniform,” as well as online collections such as short jokes, dad jokes and bad jokes so bad, they’re great. You can find a century of humor in our 2022 compendium, Reader’s Digest: Laughter, the Best Medicine. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
