Stacking your dishes, tipping creatively and ordering off-menu—all are dining-out don'ts. Here, etiquette experts explain how to avoid making rude mistakes at a restaurant.
23 Rude Restaurant Habits You Need to Stop ASAP
Updated on Apr. 19, 2025
Tipping 15%
The old rule was to tip your server 10% for poor service, 15% for good service and 20% or more for work that goes above and beyond. Well, times have changed. “The appropriate tip these days is 20%, minimum,” says Parker, a professional etiquette coach and author of Manor of Manners.
If you have a problem with paying the tip amount or with tipping customs in general, that’s not something you should take out on your server, who counts on tips to make the majority of their pay. “Remember, frugal and cheap are two different things,” she says.
Asking your server to settle an argument
If I had a nickel for the number of times I was asked to settle an argument, weigh in on a political debate or even mediate a marital spat, I could fill up more than one water-filled upside-down glass. “Don’t do this. It puts the server in a very awkward position,” Goss says. “They know that their tip depends on pleasing you, but there’s often no ‘right’ thing to say in these situations.” Personally, I never knew what to say, so I’d try to deflect by telling a joke or asking them a question back. Regardless of how your server answers—and some will jump into the fray—they’re not there to be a judge, an arbiter or a relationship counselor.
Crowding the entrance or host station
It’s understandable that you want to get your name on the waiting list as quickly as possible and don’t want to miss hearing the host call your party. But crowding the entryway just makes it difficult for employees to do their jobs, and it’s unnecessary, as most restaurants now use pagers, phone apps, texting or other digital services to let you know when your table is ready.
“Upon arriving, calmly make your way to the host station, without pushing, and wait your turn,” Goss says. “Once your name is on the list, step back and follow the directions for waiting.” You can take a pre-dinner stroll, check out neighboring stores or just find a quiet place to chat with your companions.
Lingering more than an hour at your table
“Servers expect people to stay around one hour for a meal, give or take 30 minutes,” Goss says. “You don’t need to rush your meal, but it’s important to keep an eye on how much time you’re there, as this affects how quickly they can turn over tables, which in turn affects how much they make in tips.” This is especially true if there’s a line of people waiting for a table. It’s good table manners to wrap things up around the one-hour mark or when your server has checked in on you multiple times after you’ve paid the bill.
If the restaurant isn’t crowded, however, Goss says it’s fine to stay longer. “I would tip a bit extra, though, to make up for it,” she adds.
Putting your napkin on your plate
Surprised? This is one of the most common etiquette mistakes, Parker says. Many people were taught to do this as a way to signal to the server that they’re done with their meal, but “placing your cloth napkin on a dirty plate just gets more food on it, which makes more of a mess when the server clears the table,” she explains. Instead, she says you should place your cloth napkin to the left of your plate, on the table. (And it should remain on your lap while you’re eating.)
Dining out while sick
It’s understandable that you don’t want to cook when you’re not feeling well, but way too many people would visit restaurants I worked at while visibly ill—sneezing, sniffling, coughing. This inevitably meant I caught way more colds and flus during my waitressing days. “Going to a public place while sick with a contagious illness is a huge no-no,” Goss says. “This is what takeout or delivery was invented for.”
Instead of making your server and fellow patrons sick, go ahead and cancel your plans, then use Uber Eats or Doordash.
Stacking plates and cups when you’re finished eating
You may be trying to be helpful to your overworked server by stacking your dirty dishes when you’re finished dining, but while your waiter may not tell you this, it’s a dining-out no-no. “Stacking plates when done sends a signal to other diners that the waitstaff is not tending to the table properly, and the act of doing so exposes the stackers as inexperienced diners,” says Kalk, who’s been a restaurant and hospitality coach for nearly a decade. “In addition, the waitstaff usually has a well-practiced system for clearing the plates, utensils and glassware, and stacking interferes with that system.”
So what should you do? After enjoying your meal, sit back and allow the waitstaff to handle the details. After all, that’s one of the pleasures of dining out!
Asking for major changes to a menu item when ordering
It’s one thing to ask the kitchen to hold the tomatoes, substitute cauliflower for asparagus or put your salad dressing on the side. It’s an entirely different story to dine at a steakhouse and ask for the barbecue spare ribs with potatoes to be made vegetarian and served over quinoa. “It’s rude to ask the kitchen to cater to an endless list of demands,” Parker says. There isn’t a hard rule for how many changes you can ask for in one dish, but aim to keep it under three. If you need more changes than that, consider ordering a different dish.
Making your cell phone the star of dinner
The etiquette problems with cell phones in restaurants could be their own article, but one way to short-circuit most problems is to simply turn your phone off or put it on silent and then put it out of eyesight for the duration of your stay, says etiquette expert Czink, author of Business of Manners. “Nothing is more irritating for others than having to listen to your notifications,” she says. “Plus, it is very inconsiderate to ignore those dining with you in favor of electronic conversations. It makes them feel unimportant and ignored.”
So when can you keep your volume up and phone by your side? “The rare exception is if you are waiting for a call that is legitimately urgent and out of your control, like a family member is in the hospital or you have to stay on call for your job,” Goss says. “In which case you should explain the situation to your dining companions ahead of time.”
Asking waitstaff why the website isn’t working
In the age of QR code menus, online ordering for dine-in service, rewards apps, online parking validations, on-table ordering tablets and other technological wonders, sometimes things go wrong (or are just confusing), so it makes sense that you’d ask for help. It’s totally fine to ask waitstaff about anything related to ordering or the food (like how to access the menu), but don’t treat them like the IT helpline.
Asking waiters, bartenders or hosts about big-picture issues is not only ineffective—they’re certainly not the ones updating the restaurant’s website in their spare time—but also a distraction from their work, Kalk says. “When one guest spends too much time lecturing their server on the parking situation, other guests are not getting their drinks or their food delivered to their table,” she says. “Instead, ask yourself if the complaint you’re about to share is one for which they might have a solution or be able to make a change. If not, ask for the email address of a manager, owner or executive who can address your concern.”
Ordering from the “secret” menu
One popular restaurant I worked at was rumored to have a “secret menu“—a selection of dishes that were supposedly much better (or at least more interesting) than the standard corporate fare we offered. The problem? The internet sleuths were wrong, and that menu simply didn’t exist. Or if it did, no one told me. It did make my job harder, though, as people tried to get more creative with the menu offerings.
It’s a major faux pas to try to create a dish that’s not on the menu, Parker says. The menu is there for a reason, and the chef has put a lot of care into creating the dishes. The kitchen is there to serve you but not to create and cook a bespoke meal from scratch just for you, she explains. If you’re not sure if a restaurant will be able to accommodate your specific dietary needs, or if you’d like to request something time-consuming, it’s best to call ahead and ask if that’s something they can do. And be sure to be extra generous with your tip afterward.
Stealing your neighbor’s wine glass
The nicer the restaurant, the more utensils, cups and dishes you have to deal with. It can get overwhelming very quickly, which can lead people to accidentally take something meant for someone else, Parker says. Fortunately, there’s a quick way to figure out what’s yours, she says. “Follow the simple BMW rule: From left to right, your place setting is bread, main course, then water or wine,” she explains. “You’ll never end up drinking out of someone else’s glass again!”
Playing with the salt and pepper shakers
Salt and pepper shakers are standard on nearly every restaurant table, which makes them irresistible to children, tipsy adults and other fidgety folks. But it’s best to keep your paws off of them unless you’re actively using them or passing them to someone else. Not only does this keep things cleaner for everyone—never touch the top of the shakers, where the seasoning comes out—but it’s also better table manners. “Under no circumstances should you play with the shakers or allow kids to do so,” Goss says. “They’re not toys, and they can become broken or contaminated easily.”
If someone asks you to pass the salt or pepper, make sure you’re following proper etiquette rules. Think of salt and pepper shakers as twins that must never be apart, Parker says. Passing one at a time makes it easier to lose them on the table and means people will have to ask for them twice if they want both seasonings. “Always pass the salt and the pepper together, even if you are asked to pass just the salt,” she explains.
Clinking glasses together for a toast
File this one under “things that make a great movie moment but can be very messy in real life.” Clinking your glass with someone else’s to make a toast is a big no-no, Parker says. “The glasses can break easily, so just raise the glass in front of you, look the person in the eyes and say, ‘Cheers,'” she explains. If you do happen to break a glass, don’t try to clean it up yourself. Alert the server, who will have the proper tools to clean up the mess so no one gets injured.
Stuffing garbage in cups
You may think you’re helping the waitstaff by cleaning up a bit, or you may just be annoyed by the detritus on the table and want it out of your way—regardless of your motive, shoving trash into your cup is an etiquette misstep, Goss says.
I’ve seen people stuff straw wrappers, napkins (paper or cloth), used silverware, food, chicken bones and lots of other garbage into their glasses … which I then had to fish out with my fingers. Not only was this gross, but it also made it so much harder to clean than if they’d simply left the stuff on the table. “Simply alert the server that you’d like these things cleared off your table, and they can take them away,” Goss says.
Expecting the server to read your mind about the check
When the time comes to pay, your server will be looking to you for clues that you’re ready. They don’t want to rush you by asking if you’re done, but they also don’t want to keep you sitting if you’re ready to leave. So it’s important to make it obvious when you’re ready to pay, Kalk says. “If you’re not ready to pay, leave the check presenter unmoved from where it was placed. If you are ready to pay, place the check presenter standing up with payment inside or leave it on the table with a bit of your credit card or cash sticking out so it’s easily visible,” she says.
Arguing over who will pay
It’s a known restaurant hazard: The larger the party, the more complicated the bill. Even with modern electronic ordering systems, it can still take a lot of time and energy to figure out who is paying for what. This chaos is exponentially increased when people are confused over who’s picking up the tab or how to best split the bill.
A little bit of polite banter between friends about who’s picking up the check is fine, but generally, you should know who is going to be paying for whom before eating, Czink says. This is especially true if you are the host, she says. “If you know that you are paying, prearrange with the staff that the bill does not even come to your table,” she says. “That’s the most elegant solution.”
Be sure you’re in agreement about how you’ll split the bill too. For the most part, you’ll want to request separate checks at the start of your meal, which will make things much easier for your waiter.
Taking your frustrations out on your waiter
Restaurant patrons often thought I was a mixture of a therapist, life coach and best friend. While I enjoy being friendly and talking with people, these roles were way out of my comfort zone—especially when people’s venting turned into them getting mad at me. “Being rude to the waitstaff is never, ever OK,” Parker says.
The waiter is your point of contact with the restaurant and should be working to make your experience as pleasant as possible, but even if they’re not doing the best job, you still need to treat them with kindness and patience. It doesn’t mean settling for bad service; it means being a good human. “There are ways to resolve complaints without being insulting, rude or condescending to your waiter,” she says.
Tipping on the final fee when using a gift card
This is the No. 1 tipping mistake people make at restaurants. Normally, you tip based on a percentage of the total bill—unless you’re using a coupon, gift card or other discount that takes the total down. “Always tip on what the total bill would have been without the discount,” Goss says. “Your server provided the complete service, and they deserve to be tipped the complete amount.”
Pop quiz: If your meal costs $100 but you have a $50 gift card—and you want to leave the minimum 20% tip—should you tip $10 or $20? You should still tip $20 for a 20% tip on the $100 cost of your meal.
If you are buying someone else a gift card and want to make sure the server is well taken care of, you can include extra for the tip and let the person know you did so, Goss says.
Using your outdoor voice
Loud restaurants lead to loud voices (understandably), but when everyone keeps talking louder and louder, it makes it impossible to hear anything. It’s even more disruptive in a quieter restaurant. “An extra-loud person can ruin the meal, not just for their dining companions but also for everyone in the dining area,” Parker says. You wouldn’t think that this is something adults would need to be told, but many folks just don’t realize how loudly they are speaking in a public place. So just like your teachers used to tell you, use your indoor voice indoors.
Wearing hats indoors
That’s right: What sounds like an etiquette rule from the Victorian era still applies today in certain restaurants. “Men, it may seem like an old-fashioned double standard, but it’s still considered good manners for you to remove hats indoors—and that includes casual toppers like ball caps,” Parker says.
That said, there is some regional variation to this rule, Goss says. “If you’re at a barbecue joint in Texas, I promise you’ll see a lot of hats inside, and that’s part of the culture,” she says. This holds true for most casual dining venues. However, when in doubt, men should remove their hats indoors, she says.
Eating before everyone is served
“Beginning to eat before everyone else is served is extremely rude,” Parker says. It’s a long-standing rule that you should wait for everyone to have their food in front of them before digging in. In an ideal situation, the kitchen would prepare all the dishes so they’re ready at the same time. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always happen. The good news: If the folks who are still waiting for their food give their tablemates permission to eat, it’s fine to chow down.
Being the etiquette police
The only thing worse than having someone make some etiquette mistakes in a restaurant is having someone else constantly correcting them. It makes the meal tense and awkward. “When you notice someone breaching etiquette at a restaurant, it can be oh, so tempting to call them out on it. Don’t,” Czink says. “Pointing out somebody’s mistake is worse than committing the faux pas yourself.”
If you’re concerned about teaching a child or a colleague you’re mentoring, then tell them their mistake in private, later. But before you do, make sure you’re not clinging to outdated etiquette rules that even experts have given up on.
About the experts
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Reader’s Digest has published hundreds of etiquette stories that help readers navigate communication in a changing world. We regularly cover topics such as the best messages to send for any occasion, polite habits that aren’t as polite as they seem, email and texting etiquette, business etiquette, tipping etiquette, travel etiquette and more. We’re committed to producing high-quality content by writers with expertise and experience in their field in consultation with relevant, qualified experts. We rely on reputable primary sources, including government and professional organizations and academic institutions, as well as our writers’ personal experiences where appropriate. For this piece on restaurant etiquette, Charlotte Hilton Andersen tapped her experience as a longtime journalist who specializes in etiquette and communication for Reader’s Digest. Then Laura Windsor, a U.K.-based etiquette expert who was trained by a member of Queen Elizabeth II’s household and now advises international royals, celebrities and regular people, gave it a rigorous review to ensure that all information is accurate and offers the best possible advice to readers. Read more about our team, our contributors and our editorial policies.
Sources:
- Jan Goss, etiquette and tipping expert and CEO and founder of Show Up Well consulting; phone interview, Aug. 15, 2024
- Maryanne Parker, founder of Manor of Manners; interviewed, January 2021
- Leslie Kalk, restaurant coach; interviewed, January 2021
- Adeodata Czink, multicultural etiquette expert and founder of Business of Manners; interviewed, January 2021
